Study and research in Germany
Home « Study and research in Germany « Germany « Hands-on Advise « Manners and etiquette
Yes, Germans can be quite direct
Short test of "etiquette"
Manners differ from one culture to the next. Whether your behaviour is well accepted or attracts negative attention depends entirely on the social and cultural codes of a given society. Germany and your home country are quite alike in this respect. The challenge is that the rules and regulations are often only difficult to follow and understand for outsiders. To make sure that you don't "put your foot in it" by committing the odd faux pas or two, our scout Nina has produced a short etiquette test with six questions that each offer three possible answers. Just tick the answer that you think is right. At the end of the test you'll know how well you already know the German mentality.
1. You are at a party organised by the Student Council's Foreign Students Department and meet a student whom you really adore (admire). Now's the chance to draw her attention to you. What do you do?:
a) You push forward to be next to her and say: "Hello you beauty, how's it going?"
b) You listen in to her conversation with her friends. Occasionally you add an amusing comment.
c) You discreetly stand next to her and spontaneously ask whether she works for the student council as well.
2. You've got an appointment with your professor whom you naturally respect. So you show this respect by
a) looking down during the conversation, because that's polite.
b) looking directly at the professor during the conversation.
c) looking at an invisible spot on the wall.
3. Your girlfriend's parents have invited you to cake and coffee at home. You actually think such meetings are bit bourgeois (i.e. old fashioned). How do you avoid the situation?:
a) You simply don't go.
b) You go, but are late, because you didn't really feel like going.
c) You tell your girlfriend the truth, namely that you don't like this kind of thing.
4. Your department is organising a conference with a subsequent reception. You go to a group of guests, some of whom you know and others who you don't know. What do you do?:
a) You first welcome the women then the men.
b) You first welcome those you don't know and introduce yourself to them.
c) You first welcome those you know and then introduce yourself to the others.
5. You go out to eat with some German friends. When the waiter brings the bill,
a) you insist on paying everything, after all it was your idea.
b) you let your friends pay everything, after all they are already earning money.
c) you suggest that everybody pays for their own meal.
6. You pass the porter every day before going into the departmental building. How do you behave towards him?
a) You simply ignore him. What's a porter to you?
b) You say a friendly "Good Morning" and continue.
c) You slap him on the back and ask" Hey mate, how's it going?"
Test assessment:
We hope you enjoyed the test. Here are the results. Please don't take everything too seriously. Many Germans don't take etiquette (rules of good behaviour) that seriously either. Rather, they attach importance to spontaneous and natural behaviour. Like to find out more? Then read all about what foreigners think of Germans – on the Internet at: http://service.spiegel.de.
On 1: A bit more imagination please.
1a) Such a crude chat-up line will never succeed. German women don't like that at all. Nor do they like anybody listening in on their confidential conversations (1b). Germans like discretion, above all in private matters. Those who are too fast in coming forward risk being rejected out of hand. So, it's better to start with a neutral topic (1c) and to give your counterpart a bit of time. If he/she is interested, you'll find out soon enough.
On 2: "Here's looking at you ..."
German professors value respectful relations and welcome good manners among students and staff. Gestures of inferiority (2a) are not among the things they like. In fact, it is considered impolite to avoid eye-contact during a conversation (2a, 2c). While personnel directors will assume that you are very insecure or uncertain, a minus point if you wish to succeed in finding a job. In short: Germans look each other in the face and have eye-contact when chatting. It's simply polite, but no more than that – it's neither a gesture of approval nor one of affection. This applies in particular for private contacts. If a German woman looks a man in the eyes, that does not immediately mean she's flirting with him or wants to go out with him. This may be different in other cultures. But in Germany, it's absolutely normal behaviour towards others.
On 3: Wearing you heart on your sleeves
Feared by some, admired by others: the German's notorious honesty. What does this mean for you: if you don't like something, simply say so (3c). Nobody will think ill of you if you tell somebody that you don't share their taste or opinion. But don't make a secret out of it either. It's much worse if you do something behind somebody's back (i.e. secretly) or are blatantly rude (3b). And you will make yourself really unpopular if you simply avoid a possibly uncomfortable situation (3a). You can accuse Germans of many things, but not of being afraid of their own opinion. And they also expect that of their friends.
On 4: Women don't want special treatment
German women are emancipated. They don't want special treatment (even a woman can sometime hold the door open or pay for a meal at a restaurant). Rather, they want equal opportunities, rights and obligations. So women don't like automatically being welcomed first (5a). What can you do? Just assess the situation and behave accordingly. If, by chance, a woman is the only person you know in a group, naturally welcome her first. But not because she's a women, but rather because in Germany you always first welcome those you know (5c).
On 5: Everybody pays for themselves
Many foreigners are taken aback when they experience the German payment ritual in a restaurant for the first time. As a rule, everybody only pays what they personally consumed (5c). In larger groups, this can sometimes result in loud and confused calculating. But it's wrong to think that Germans are tight-fisted. It's actually more about everybody saving face and nobody facing financial ruin. So, do not absolutely insist on paying for others (5a) – and certainly not if you are out with a German woman. Otherwise, you will be get a reputation for being a macho and a pretentious sort. Exception to the rule! If it was agreed in advance that the person pays, because it's his or her birthday ... But the opposite also applies: "Scroungers" (people who live at the expense of others) are unpopular. A principle of "give and take" applies in Germany.
On 6: Snobs don't stand a chance
You don't immediately have to become the porter's best friend (6c). A bit more distance and respect are welcomed. Uncalled for familiarity – like using Du rather than Sie – is taboo. No matter whether it's the caretaker, janitor, cleaning lady or rubbish collector, you should always be friendly and polite (6b). Arrogance (6a) towards people from lower social groups is strongly frowned upon by Germans.
© 2009 Deutscher Akademischer Austausch Dienst e.V. (DAAD), Kennedyallee 50, D-53175 Bonn
Source: http://www.daad.de/deutschland/deutschland/leben-in-deutschland/06346.en.html
Date: 2009-01-09